so, this is a long one, strap in.

Pre-transition, I felt strongly like a boy, but not a man. I also had really bad bottom dysphoria, and was hating my body hair, libido and other such things that came from a T puberty. I started exploring fem vibes at a similar time, mostly through cosplay, and spent a while as a cringy soft boy egg type.

Skipping over some trauma, I end up taking E, and it makes things a lot better. The things I disliked from puberty were gone. I never really wanted boobs, and remember even telling the doctor that, but embraced the more fem side of things - I was never she/her, but presenting feminine was fun and was a nice way to get distance from the pre-nico me that had existed before.

A while into E, I start feeling boy energy again, and felt like I had enough distance from cis masculinity that I could explore what that means to me in a more nuanced way. I discovered the joy that binding my chest gives me, and started to lean more into my boy feelings, presenting in a queer masc way, and finding lots of joy in it, and the euphoria that girl presentation and identity never gave me.

I still don't like my genitals, and I like what E has done aside from the boobs. I still probably lean fem compared to most cis boys, but very much in a twink/femboy way and not like, a girl way. I still think of myself as non-binary, but leaning boywards. In a weird way, I'm back where I started pre-transition, but with more experience, perspective, and in a body that works better for me.

So... Yeah. MTFTM boy, not a man. genderfuck foxtwink. On E because it treats my body better. It's a bit of a mess, but that is the best I can explain it.